we have pet lesbian snakes
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
