I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
