Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
