Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
