I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize