Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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