You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
