Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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