Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize