Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
