Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
