I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
