The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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