Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
