Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
