I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
