Sry I called you an 8
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
