going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
