There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
