it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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