And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize