I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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