Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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