No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
This house was built for laser tag.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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