can we get nightvision for the apartment?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
