hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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