i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
