Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
