now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
