You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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