she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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