is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
