dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
