Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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