I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
