She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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