It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
