i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
