I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
