Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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