remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
