I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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