that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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