Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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