i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize