it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
