I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
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