She said her name was "party"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
