K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
