I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My vagina is officially offended.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize
