I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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