omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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