I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
