Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
