Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
