I bet he comes in French.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
