Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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