i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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