So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
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