she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
