a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
