Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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