if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
