that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
