Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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