The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
