I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i barfeds in our rink
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
