my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
