Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
