There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
