Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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