I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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