my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
