Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
