the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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