Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize