I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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