we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
