Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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