sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
