Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
