He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize