I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
