WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
