He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
