see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
