you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
