Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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