Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
