please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
where are you?
Hypothermia
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
