Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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