be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
